New Passion {Samantha 4/10}

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It’s exciting to feel something for somebody and to look forward to seeing that person… It does not happen to me that often. I do like him, my friends like him too. We are all hanging out together. I’ve always been so shy… Yet I know I am meant to stand out. I guess I am only comfortable with being perceived as smart. There is a longing for a crazy exciting unpredictable life, so far off from the life at home/what I am used to. I don’t want to do silly stupid things, though, just to prove something. Adventure, I want adventure. Exploring, uncovering, re-discovering. Love. Sometimes there are things I want to say “yes” to, but I get scared and back out. Sometimes I see my friends saying “yes” to things that will bring drama and end with a “no”, but they say “yes” anyway. Maybe they cannot see it. Maybe they need to live it first. Like the boy I met from another town and then he came over and wanted to see me. I went out with him but took my best friend along. He even dedicated a poem to me and he was so nice and polite. I got scared and acted disinterested and cold. Go figure. There is something in me that is slightly dangerous and I need to keep at bay. It attracts men like moths to a flame, and I don’t want to burn them…

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He wants to get burnt. Anton. Do I let him and see what happens? I like him a lot. I do. It’s sweet. Maybe what I feel is not right. Maybe it will all be good. Maybe I should try? It’s always the eyes that get me. What makes people get attracted to each other? I seem to always know/feel it right away. More often than not people are attracted to me, and not the other way around. But I am always so shy. I don’t even want to look at them. Am I afraid of love, because I don’t know what’s going to happen? I’ve never kissed anyone. Do people always burn with very strong feelings like in the books? Or do they settle? I want to feel a lot. Otherwise why do it? Maybe I have a very naive idea of life. But this is what I want. Passion…

close up of a romantic soft red rose with negative space
curious?