Yes and No {Samantha 5/10}

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We like each other and everybody seems to see it. Yet, neither of us is willing to make a move. He is sweet. I am shy. I am not into anything much but books. When I was little I used to write poems. Now I still do sometimes, although they have changed their nature. There is always this longing… It’s been fun, writing for the school newspaper. It helps to get me out of my shell. My best friend is really outgoing and I don’t mind hiding in her shadow. However, somehow he sees me. My thoughts often go to him… To be with somebody seems like a lot of trouble… Maybe I like my boring routine. I never stay too late at the coffee shop when we go after school, so I have time to write my homework. The moon is beautiful tonight. Is there other life in space? What would it be like to see an alien? I sometimes imagine how they come and take me. I am not afraid

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He does like me!! Anton… (sigh)… He told me so!!! The past two days are like a dejavu… Party at my friend’s house, her parents were gone for the weekend. We had so much fun, making dinner together, laughing, and then going into a deeper conversation about life…  I have such an amazing group of friends! It was really late, he and I were alone together on the balcony, and he looked at me and told me that he liked me… I was so nervous and excited… I admitted that I like him too, but it would be probably best to stay friends… We agreed to it, held hands, and yet there was more to it… I laid on the couch and he sat beside me, looking at me with immense tenderness and longing. I am sure I was looking at him the same way.  I did not sleep at all and today feels like a dream… On my way home I almost got hit by a car, crossing the street in a daze. While brushing my teeth I somehow could watch myself do it, as if I were outside my body… A little sad… why am I so afraid? I have never been drawn to anybody else like this before… Do I cut myself off from living? Imagining what kissing him would feel like

pretty plant with pink and green leaves
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