Love and Freedom {Samantha 9/10}

Samantha is processing her feelings. Ordinary life bores her and she cannot succumb to the familiar groove most people follow. Her relationship with Anton is confusing her – she loves him, yet loves her freedom more…

I think I know what it is… I am so desperately trying to fit in, when I am not meant to… But if I am truly myself, I will not be able to connect with anyone. What most people are after does not interest me at all. I am fully myself when I am on my own. Parts of me come out that otherwise hardly ever surface. Although my friends sometimes sense them and accept them… The more I get to know him I can see that we are very similar, yet different. He is so much more outgoing than I am. Traditional life scares me. Why is it so hard to be yourself? Maybe because everybody else expects you to be some other way… Maybe this is what I run from… the expectation for my life to unfold in a certain way. University, career, husband, house, outings with other couples, children, birthday parties, going out with other moms who nag about their husbands, holidays, retirement, grandchildren and then you die. What is the fun of living if you already have a plan you need to follow? Not for me, the thought suffocates me… Why can’t I be normal? Yet, I appear as the most normal person on the outside. Oxymoron