Sylvia wonders where things with Tom are going, ponders what losing her virginity might be like, and is genuinely terrified, excited and mystified about her sexuality….
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This friendship is the strangest I have had by far. I get excited when he calls me and our conversations always go in new unexplored directions. He challenges all my preconceived ideas about the world, my beliefs and my understanding. I argue with him a lot, but we always laugh in the end. I feel like he wants to take this further, yet I am so not ready for that. What can “further’ possibly be? The “Taming of the Shrew” comes to mind. His hands always smell so good, I love the lotion he uses. When I try to get him to share details from his life with me, he never talks about it. He believes in God and sometimes mentions the Bible. It was fascinating to hear him explain the story of the Prodigal Son. I could not understand it at first and made him repeat it. I love learning new things, and everything with him is unpredictable and unusual. I am so predictable and usual, so maybe that’s why he showed up in my life. When I get a text from him, it makes me smile. Do I love him? No. But I like the way he sees me. He respects me and genuinely cares about me. It’s sweet. We are together and yet not. I notice other men, but most of them seem so boring. How can I tell, when I even don’t talk to them? Will I ever understand myself?