A Woman

Sylvia embraces her depth and trusts her own inner guidance, although it contradicts the rational mind. Her virginity out of the way opens up a newly discovered serene confidence, despite the fact she has no clue what follows next…

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So why did I have to wait for 21 years to let a man inside of me? What is more, a man that I have a strange relationship with and I don’t want as a boyfriend? Because I am who I am, I guess. To me sex is something special, a union between a man and a woman. A spiritual act in a way. Maybe this is what distinguishes Tom from the rest of the men who have been interested in me. Can I even call them men? They are still boys. He believes in something greater than himself, that he calls God. I don’t understand religion, but I am curious about it. His actions, behavior and friendship somehow earned my trust. Facts about his life really don’t matter, it’s the vibes that I feel in his presence. Maybe this is what it feels like to be loved – to be fully accepted for who you are. This is making me emotional, I think I can cry. I wish I could love him in a more romantic kind of way. I see him more as my guardian angel, somebody who showed up to reflect my own flawed beauty to me. By accepting me as who I am and showing me my own worth, he truly made me believe in myself more. If I tell the story to somebody, they will surely think that I am mad. Nobody would expect that I would lose my virginity to a black guy. Is the myth true? I can see the questions coming. I hate sharing my personal life – it’s for me and me only. Yes, it is. It kind of hurt a little. Kama Sutra says that when it comes to their sexual organs, men and women have three different sizes which fit/or not accordingly. It totally makes sense. I am glad I got that book, although I felt a little ashamed reading it. I don’t think Tom and I are quite compatible in that respect. Why is sexuality such a taboo? People either pretend that it does not exist, or exemplify it in profane ways. I don’t ever want to sleep with a guy who will go and talk about it after that. Ewwww… Wow… I am not a virgin anymore. There is definitely a sense of liberation. Shame is also lingering.