Nobody Else Has To Know

Diving deeper into her own version of life, Sara contemplates on the vastness of destinies out there and how we are all the same on the inside…

Lilly and I were both looking at our phones tonight, then we stared at each other and laughed. No words needed. We both don’t quite know what we are doing, I jokingly told her she got me into this. She is seeing the other guy on the side and her boyfriend, who lives in another town, has no clue about it. I am not judging – after all, I am sleeping with a guy who has a girlfriend. She told me that Damian is notorious about that and his girlfriend apparently is ok with it as long as he does not flaunt it. That made me feel a little better, yet the confusion remains why I am doing this. The strong pull I feel seems not to be a good enough reason. I literally cannot stop thinking about him. Maybe I watch too many movies and I am attracted to the danger/uncertainty element. He calls, we talk, I giggle, he says so many inappropriate things, my underwear gets wet just listening to him. Maybe we will meet this week. I am conflicted about it, fascinated as well. How a couple of hours can completely change one’s life… Everything is a choice. Is this the wrong path? But it feels good. Strangely enough I did manifest my version of “9 ½ weeks”… Now I just need to let it unfold on its own, like everything else. It’s the illusion of control that messes our lives up. Also our rigid ideas of right and wrong. So many things are both at the same time, depending on the perspective. Like touching one’s body… religion has placed so much dogma on it. Skin to skin contact is important – if babies don’t get it, they die! Hugs feel good, kisses even better, especially French ones with a person you love. Damian is not the best kisser, but the nature of our relationship, if I can call it that, is different. It’s not lovers holding hands in the moonlight, it’s more like you-give-me-what-I-want-I-will-give-you-what-you-need-type. 

P.S. And nobody else has to know.