Connecting…

Solange is perplexed by the nature of human connections, the disintegration of her good girl image, and the intense desire she feels for James… so many questions in her mind…

I am a mess. Everything is a mess. My life is a sham. I officially cheated on my husband and kissed another man very passionately and the worst part about it is that I loved it and I want to do it again. I cannot stop thinking about James, that moment in the car, the way we connect. Why are Steve and I so disconnected? We seem to be operating like a well-oiled machine, yet these is so much space between us. Sometimes I wonder if I even know him. He hardly ever talks about his feelings and desires. He gets up early, immediately starts talking on the phone and replying to emails, then we have a quick breakfast together while he’s still on the phone most of the time, off to work he goes after a quick kiss, and I don’t see him until later in the evening. Dinner conversation revolves around the people/things we have encountered during the day, then some more emails, we watch a show maybe, and off to bed. When we have people over the attention is on them, and very rarely it’s just the two of us together. I guess that is not his priority, and all I want is to spend some time with just him. After all, that’s why I married him. However, I feel selfish to ask for that, so I simply imply. When we go out, he prefers that there is another couple/person with us  – he is so much more livelier then. I remember when he loved to cook for me and take me out… am I being like a sulky kid? Is this why I am kissing another guy?