Inner Turmoil

Solange is trying to figure herself out… so many questions…

Fuck this! Why can’t I be like normal people? Are there normal people at all? Is everybody living a double life, secretly enacting a different reality in their minds? Why couldn’t James and I just stop there, but we had to go further? How come we didn’t get caught? Shouldn’t we be punished for that? Seems like exactly the opposite – in some mysterious way we were spared. Everything happened so fast, that I am still not quite sure what exactly transpired. Luckily, Steve does not seem to have a clue at all. Maybe just like I do, he is living a double life as well. It’s all so very fragile. Here we are, we have been married for 4 years, together for 6, we have the house, the cars, the nice jobs, the friends, and it’s all by the book. Until I suddenly switch on some unknown slut mode within me and I could have ruined it all in a matter of seconds. Trust is so easily destroyed. Our whole partnership is based on a promise. How can we expect that we will keep it forever? I am not sure what to think about all this anymore. How many of the happy couples I see are truly in love? Do we even know what love is? Are we just in lust and when that fades away we become slaves to comfort, numb to the ability to connect deeper with the other?