Dazed and Confused

Sophia is rather confused and wonders if she brought this upon herself out of boredom or desire for freedom…

Sometimes I have this crazy feeling that the experiences in my life come about, because I read a book, see a film, watch a play and it moves me so intensely that I set in motion a desire to recreate the feelings of the characters. As if the world is my stage and whenever I get too comfortable or bored with a certain role, I am ready to expand into another one. However, the expansion is always preceded by a contraction and both can be quite uncomfortable. The transition as a whole leaves me feeling neither here, nor there – dying to an old me and mourning that, while simultaneously going through the birthing pains of who I am becoming. All of this is always accompanied by intense feelings and emotions – hopelessness, loss, great confusion, shame and guilt intermingle with moments of sheer joy, clarity, peace and presence.