I slept with Dylan. Letting that one sink in.
What is worse, is that I would totally do it again if given the chance. There would be nothing wrong in this if we both were not in relationships with other people. I really need to decide what is it that I want before I complicate the situation further. Maybe I am not ready to be a wife and plug into the life most people live. Yet, I can’t leave it all behind and just roam the world. My finacé would be devastated if I call the engagement off, especially since we have been getting along so great. Everybody would think I were crazy to do that, and rightfully so. To give it all up for what? Dylan and I have intense chemistry between us, but definitely not a future together. We are too alike, and this can be volatile. I still cannot get him out of my head and it’s driving me insane. How can you stop feeling love for someone? Why can’t we control it? Having him inside of me was so amazing… I felt total completeness, one with him and everything that is. Could it be that we met at the wrong time? All I have is a bunch of questions and no one to turn to for an answer… Choices are so hard to make, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. It might help to have another chat with him, his presence brings me peace.