Ready Or Not, Here We Go

Stella and Luke test the traveling thing out and decide to take the plunge and go for it…

Life is suddenly moving so fast, yet it’s the perfect speed. As if all I have ever wanted found its way in, effortlessly. I could not quite pinpoint it, but now that it is here I know it is it. We did it – Luke is just as crazy as I am, in a good life-is-an-adventure way. Off we went to Sequoia National Park and it was amazing. He already had a tent and sleeping bags, we mapped out places to camp on the way, packed a bunch of snacks and headed on a 10-day trial exploration. By day 3 we were pros at setting up and tearing down the tent, gazing at the starry sky at night my favorite. He brought his camera along to take pictures and videos, and at the end of each day I wrote a little bit about what we did/saw in my online journal. I am not going to lie, stopping at a nice coffee shop on the way back and getting a cappuccino made to perfection felt like heaven to the city girl in me. However, the days spent wandering among the giant trees away from civilization brought us so much inner peace and sheer joy.

Adventure Beckons

Stella has a strong desire to adventure with Luke and spend more time in nature. To stay and play it safe or venture out and leave it all behind?

I want to travel more with this beautiful man and experience new places together. Best part, he wants the same! Now, it’s only a matter of making it happen. When there is a will, there is a way. I always find a way. Finally introduced him to some of my closest friends and they could not help but love him right away too. Some warned me I might be jumping into it too quickly, but I assured them Luke and I are on the same page about our relationship – committed to one another, yet not placing conditions upon it, allowing it to unfold and being in the moment. To be free, you need to be very brave and willing to take responsibility. Not everyone is quite there yet, but I’ve always done my thing independently anyway.

Pure Bliss

Stella ponders if life on Earth is a school and we are all teachers and students, learning lessons from each other. Then Luke and her take their first weekend trip together…

Luke is practicing with his band tonight and I just finished working on a logo design for a client. It’s a peaceful evening, maybe I will read for a bit. I told him he is welcome to come back here after he is done, but no pressure. Giving him a key to my place felt like the most natural thing to do. Since we are both creatives, we understand the need for alone time and doing things separately with our friends. I realized that the reason we get along so easily is because we share a similar perception of reality. I don’t have to explain why I do the things that I do, he just gets it. It’s funny how we all see the same things differently based on our past experiences, assumptions and beliefs. To find two people who observe life through similar lenses is beautiful and rare. I definitely did not have that with my ex husband to the extent that I wished.

The Way We Flow

Stella and Luke enjoy the perfect weekend together, it’s hard to believe they have only known each other for a week. It all seems so easy, like she has always believed it should be…

Saturday… this dream keeps getting better and better… We wake up slowly, the Sun is shining, all is peaceful and blissful. After a while I get up and make coffee, cut up fresh fruit and bring it in bed. Cliche, I know, but so fitting and comes natural. Windows are open, the curtains sway in the breeze, bodies naked and hearts full of pure joy. Somehow we manage to not spill coffee on the white sheets, the fruit gets devoured, we talk about traveling and stare at each other’s eyes. Being together is like a meditation, we are so anchored in the here and now. Hands touch, fingers caress, empty cups get placed on the floor, we are not quite ready to leave the bed yet. His warm tongue traces my outlines and tastes my wetness. Mmmmm…. we melt together and disappear into our own Universe.

Snuggles and Kisses

Stella revels in love bliss…

Three nights in a row Luke keeps coming back and being together feels so natural and wonderful… Living in the moment and not making plans, just enjoying it as it comes. Feeling so grateful for my life! It seems like right now I have it all – an amazing community of friends that I can count on, a job that I love and allows me the creative flexibility I desire, a beautiful cozy space to live, and an incredible lover who is on the same page as me. It’s like a night and day difference from my situation 6 months ago! Something in me shifted and I decided to be happy no matter what.

Carpe Diem

Stella wakes up in the arms of handsome Luke and in the dawn of her dream come true… has everything been leading up to that?

I think my ideal man just showed up, but it all happened with such ease that I can’t quite comprehend it yet. Could it be that the list the tarot card lady had me write manifested him? Is this too good to be true? Will it magically disappear in the same way it showed up? Honestly, I don’t know and I don’t need or want to. Whatever it is it is too beautiful to dissect it, just enjoy it however long it may last.

A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes

Stella basks in the beauty of life, enjoying every single little bit of the little daily pleasures we sometimes tend to overlook. And then something changes in an instant…

Life is beautiful. I totally have no clue what I want to do, yet I am so content with the way things are. Traveling is something I have always had a thirst for, and I know I can make it happen. Seriously considering teaching English abroad or being a digital nomad. Apart from my friends and family, there is truly nothing holding me back. Free… mmmm…. I love that… People keep asking me if I am dating anyone, and I just don’t get it. Do you go out looking for friends? No, you stay open, meet people here and there, connect with some and friendships just happen. Why can’t the same apply to romantic partners? I am not desperate for a man, doing quite fine on my own. Why do we click with some people more than others? I wonder if there are past life experiences that we feel traces of and they bring us closer together in this life. It’s wonderful when you can fully be yourself with another and I am so lucky to have such friends. Sometimes I want to pack a bag and just disappear – start life afresh somewhere else. Not because I am running away from something, but simply for the adventure of it. I guess I get bored easily, that’s why I like to have a variety of things to do. Maybe I was an explorer in a past life. The unknown does not frighten me, it fascinates me. What do I want to do?

All Or Nothing

Stella wishes she could be attracted to the guys that like her, yet she cannot go against herself. She firmly decides to honor her own feelings and discover her true self instead of settling for somebody who only parts of her…

I had a sudden realization today… all is as I take it to be. If I make a big deal out of something, it will be a big deal. If I simply allow and accept it, it will pass through me and be gone. Who cares that I slept with my best friend? It was what was needed at that particular moment in time and there is no reason to judge it as right or wrong. We did not force it, it happened very naturally, and we are both in agreement that we are cool with it. I am not looking to be in a relationship, neither is he so we can just continue being friends as before. Done. Overthinking makes people sick, I am certain of it. We are so good at making assumptions and creating crazy stories in our heads that we eventually start believing.

Sunday Afternoon

Stella is deep into living life fully, inviting more new experiences and surprising herself in the process…

A musician would be nice. My thoughts keep coming back to what happened the other night. Part of me wishes tall handsome guy lived close by. Part of me wonders what it would have been like to kiss him. Yet another part of me knows that I got all I needed from the experience and there is no need to read further into it. It felt so nice just to openly share and be in the moment, without having a plan or overthinking it. Sometimes situations come to us as messengers, not the message itself. On the outside people might assume that I brought home two guys I just met to have a threesome or something, but it was way beyond that. Why does it all have to be reduced to sex? I think what we are truly longing for is the communion between souls – being able to be fully yourself with another, no masks, no pretences. We crave connection, but let our lower desires ruin it sometimes.

Love Again

Stella realizes she tends to overanalyze things, so she commits to simply living for the sake of it. New experiences are not late to arrive…

I should stop overthinking and just be. However, it’s so fascinating to contemplate on the nature of life. Maybe I can do both – balance is always the key. Bring it on, Life! I am just going to hope for the best and see what happens. All is pretty sweet right now. It feels good to be journaling again, along with keeping up with my daily gratitude list. I love going to the Farmers’ Market and getting fresh fruit and veggies, and then making an impossibly huge salad. Everyone is so nice and smiley and the world is a beautiful place to be. Nothing particularly exciting has happened, but I am finding so much joy and appreciation in the little things – the Sun shining, a yummy smoothie, a nice chat with a friend, a lovely walk in the park, mastering a yoga pose I’ve been finding challenging, delighting in a good book, getting lost in the night sky and my daydreams.